Ezzus’s Sub .500 Golden Ticket NFL Picks: Week 5

Unfortunately, I fell short of my 4-0 goal for my NFL picks last week. I fell to 0-3 for the first time this year. I’m not counting my Patriots pick, as it was posted before I knew about Cam Newton’s devastating diagnosis. This week, I’m down to a record of 5-8 on my NFL picks and I need a perfect week more than ever. 

I have been studying the Bovada board all week and I have come up with a real golden ticket.

Miami Dolphins (+9) vs San Francisco 49ers

This pick is a guarantee lock. Giving the Dolphins 9 points seems a little too much. 

The 49ers are still dealing with injuries on the defensive side, especially with Richard Sherman still being out. I think this opens up the Dolphins passing game quite a bit. They will rely on the passing game so much that I have DeVante Parker listed as a freak this week. 

I think the Dolphins can keep up with the 49ers this week. If Jimmy Garoppolo plays, it will be the first time since he makes an appearance since his week 2 injury. He might be dealing with a little rust. 

This could put the Phins up early which should lead to a closer game. If you still believe in Fitzmagic, you know 9 points is too much for the journeyman QB. Hit the +9 with everything you have; it’s a clear winner.

Los Angeles Rams (-7.5) vs The Washington Football Team

The Rams are a surprise in the early part of this season. They are so much of a surprise that our own Hebrew Hammer wrote a piece on how the Rams fooled everyone

I think they come into the Football Team’s home and destroy them. I think the 10th ranked passing defenses will have a field day with new starting quarterback Kyle Allen

In his 15 career games, Kyle Allen has 22 total touchdowns and 23 total turnovers. I expect at least 1-2 turnovers, setting the Rams up for a big win. And I don’t think switching to Allen makes the Team makes them better. 

On the other hand, it actually makes them worse. The Football Team has lost all three of its games by 14 or more points. I expect the Rams to hit the -7.5 with ease, bringing them to a surprising 4-1. 

Indianapolis Colts vs Cleveland Browns (+1)

The Browns have finally figured it out offensively. They are the 4th best team in points per game. On average, they score 31 points per game compared to the 20.9 they scored in 2019.

I think they continue this against the Colts. They are a home dog and are going up against a banged up Colts team. The Browns should have some success against Philip Rivers and the Colts. 

Indianapolis’s offensive line took a hit with Anthony Castonzo sitting out. This could be a weak point the Browns might take advantage of. They should be able to pressure Rivers a little more, something he struggles with since he’s not really mobile. If they can get consistent pressure, they can force Rivers to throw uneducated interceptions like he normally does. 

Darius Leonard is also out with a groin injury. This should help the No. 1 rush offense put up a ton of yardage. I think the Browns control the game on the ground, running away with a victory.

I have a lot of faith in this week 5 golden ticket.

But, I haven’t slept in days because I’m the equivalent to the Hebrew Hammer in Freaks and Cheeks. I can’t let my reputation take such a critical blow. If you believe in my redemption tour and take my NFL picks at the low cost of $20 bills, you’ll be up $122 on the week. 



Failed fantasy football commish. Boomer truther. Voted 1 out of 2 best young studs at Best Buy, but then I got fired. Marvin Jones beat my ass at the Super Bowl (I have proof). Josh Norman would not beat my ass and I was disappointed. I also had better seats at the Super Bowl than Ben Shapiro. This is my biggest flex. Had a sit down meeting with Kirk Cousins and his camp about his recruitment to the New York Jets. I’m pretty sure he didn’t sign with the team because of me, but I still had a sit down meeting with Kirk Cousins and his camp ( I also have proof of this). I suffer each year watching Jets, Knicks and Mets games. Co-owner, Podcast Co-Host and somewhat of a Journalist. I feel like this bio is just one big flex but most of this stuff is lame,. Except for the Ben Shapiro one, that’s super not lame. ALL LUV EZZUS

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