Peter Stanonik Lived Every Man’s Worst Nightmare

Every Man's Worst Nightmare
Peter James Stanonik had a very bad experience that no man should ever have to go through.

When you walk into the octagon — UFC, Bellator, Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship — you expect a level of pain and violence. You anticipate kicks to the head, punches to the gut and try not to get your arm ripped off at the shoulder. You prepare for these things your whole career and generally know what can and cannot happen. 

Not much is sacred in the Octagon, but one thing you don’t expect to happen is to take full throttle shots to the dick. Well for Bellator fighter Peter Stanonik, that’s exactly what happened, twice.

Stanonik walked into the ring to fight Raymond Daniels last Friday for what was supposed to be an exciting fight. Fans got the striking match they wanted in the first round.

But the second round was a total shit show. Daniels’s first kick to the crotch was clearly accidental. But no cup can truly protect from a professional strike to the groin. Stanonik took the full allotment of time to recover before re-entering the fight. 

As they squared up again, Daniels went for another spinning back kick just as Stanonik landed a kick of his own. Off balance, Daniels sent his foot straight to Stanonik’s boulder holder. 

Stanonik hit the deck harder than Lionel Messi after a child flicks him. It was brutal. He beat the floor, bellowed in pain and cried tears on the mat. There was no coming back from this. The ref called the fight, and the world began to wonder if this man would ever produce offspring. 

Between you and me, I’m not sure what I would like to experience less: two giant kicks to the nut sack or a lifetime of CTE. I might rather watch “The Human Centipede” than have to watch that kick ever again.

Thankfully, after a thorough medical examination at a local hospital, Stanonik got on Instagram to let his fans know, “my dick is cleared. Everything is [cleared]…We’re Gucci now.”

Syracuse’s preeminent parody politician. There are 44 reasons to love me, and all of them start with Syracuse and end with Orange. I write about the UFC, SU sports, and anything that seems appropriate to bitch about. If you try telling me Baseball is a sport worth watching, I might send the FBI to your place at midnight.

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