The Bills handed the Steelers a BDSM Beatdown

Bo;;s spanking the Steelers

A day before Pornhub deleted 10,000,000 videos from its platform, the Buffalo Bills showed us how important porn is to 2020. Johnny Sins and Mia Khalifa are blowing up on Tik Tok. Jay Alvarez taught us what we should really use coconut oil for. That hot chick Caitlin from your high school who skated by on looks alone and never learned to be successful on her merits is now a “content creator” for $4.99/month on OnlyFans, telling you that a JOI costs $12 in her DMs. But she’ll unlock it for $10 because you’re a first time buyer.

All those are intriguing and enticing in and of their own right, but the biggest boom to the porn industry comes from the Bills putting that BDSM spank-down on the Steelers in front of a Sunday Night Football national audience. While the Juju and Claypool are busy dancing on team logos like a grown male D’Amelio and telling us their preferences in women in the locker room when they should be getting ready to play the game of football, Josh Allen and the Buffalo Bills were busy preparing to lay a beat down on the Steelers and extend their paddle of dominance to the Steelers’ ass cheeks.

Let’s take a look at last night. Both teams were playing hard in the first half. They grinded for every yard they could muster. In the final 50 seconds of the half, Taron Johnson snatched Ben Roethlisberger’s pass to Juju out of the air. He returned the ball to the end zone to give Buffalo a 9-7 lead.

MORE: The Pittsburgh Steelers got Screwed

Johnson’s interception fueled the Bills. It brought electricity to the halftime locker room. It also invigorated offensive coordinator Brian Daboll’s offensive adjustments going into the third quarter. In years past, Allen would have forced the ball into tight windows and created his own turnovers. Instead, he showcased his newfound patience and let the plays develop.

Allen’s improvement year over year has been nothing but artful to watch. The Buffalo defense really turned it up a notch, too, doing a some gloating of their own as they shut down Big Ben’s offense.

Almost as satisfying as the win itself is Bills fans hamming it up on Twitter today. Tweets from hometown Bills stans like @primetime__bill and @AaronQuinn716 rained down on Bills doubters. They dunked on them with videos and gifs. Bills Mafia even went so far as to change Nick Wright’s wikipedia to briefly say Josh Allen was his daddy as revenge for his disgusting slander of the MVP-caliber third-year quarterback. Even Colin Cowherd chimed in, smoking a victory cigar from his porch, to chirp the Steelers after their second-straight loss.

The Steelers have a fistful of Super Bowl rings, sure, but rings only help in a brawl. When Sean McDermott has you hog tied, ass up over his knee taking a paddle to your ass, those rings do you no good. Yinz better put on some steel panties if you don’t want your ass to get bruised. This won’t be the last beating the Steelers take this year.

Syracuse’s preeminent parody politician. There are 44 reasons to love me, and all of them start with Syracuse and end with Orange. I write about the UFC, SU sports, and anything that seems appropriate to bitch about. If you try telling me Baseball is a sport worth watching, I might send the FBI to your place at midnight.

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