Kendall Jenner: Breaking Hearts and Breaking Players

Welcome to CMZ, the worldwide leader in sports-related relationships. Kendall Jenner and Devin Booker have seemed to come out publicly about their apparent relationship. Dating NBA players is not a new thing for Ms. Jenner. Several of the league’s young stars have dated her. Some other media outlets, like the failing TMZ, have come out and slut shamed the young woman. Jenner has clapped back at the haters with a spicy tweet.

Let the woman throw her coochie to whoever she wants. Personally, I’d love to catch the coochie. But is catching the coochie worth it for NBA players? 

Clearly they don’t have a problem with her looks or her net worth of $45 million, but it’s their careers they should be worried about. I took a deep dive into Jenner’s dating life. I have concluded that her coochie is either magical or evil for her NBA gentleman callers.

Chandler Parsons was the first NBA player to be spotted with the eligible bachelorette. Parsons was an up-and-coming small forward, until he got in bed with Jenner. He was actually playing well before and while with Jenner. On average, he played 32 minutes per game while producing 14.2 points, 3 assists, 5 rebounds and shot 47 percent from the field. I mean, it’s no Caris Levert numbers, but still the guy was playing well. 

Once Jenner got bored, everything changed for the big man. He became what is known in the sports world as “injury prone”. When he was on the floor he really didn’t do much, logging 17 minutes per game while only scoring 6 points, 1.45 assists, 2.3 rebounds and managed a horrendous 36 percent from the floor. Folks, that’s the definition of washed. It’s not his fault he fell in love with the wrong girl and became a sad boi. He needed to focus on his game and not his heart. Now the poor bastard is out of the league with no return in sight. 

Jordan Clarkson was the next player on Kendall Jenner’s list. While with the reality star, he was a building block for the Lakers. He started the majority of the games he played in and averaged 28 minutes. His numbers were OK. He dropped 13.7 points, 3 assists and 3.6 rebounds. He looked like a piece the Lakers could rebuild with after the Kobe era, but Kendall had other ideas.

She ended the relationship, and things haven’t been the same for Clarkson. He was traded to Cleveland to become a role player for LeBron James. Never getting back into a consistent starter role, Clarkson has not gotten himself back to where he was before the breakup. 

He averages 26 minutes, 15.2 points, 2.4 assists and 2.9 rebounds. He is currently a valuable role player for the Utah Jazz, but no longer being a starter is a downgrade from where he was. Another player’s career impacted by the loveable Kardashian-Jenner sister.

Blake Griffin was the big catch for Jenner, he was the best player she’d been with. He was averaging 21.5 points, 4.2 assists, 9.3 rebounds and shot 52 percent. Jenner could finally watch her man dominate the NBA, not like those little boys she dated before. 

However Griffin just wasn’t doing it for her, and she ended the nearly one-year relationship. The guy had to be heartbroken and, to top it all off, he was traded to Detroit. That in itself is hard. To leave L.A. for Detroit has to be one of the biggest downgrades in all of sports. 

Griffin hasn’t been the same player since the breakup. He now averages 20.5 points, 4.8 assists, 6.5 rebounds and shoots 42 percent. His rebounds and shooting percentage took a major hit; as a power forward who plays close to the basket, this is not good. It looks like his best days are behind him, and he only has Kendall Jenner to thank.

Kendall Jenner and Ben Simmons were the hot NBA couple for the past two years. They began dating in May of 2018 and things ended around April 2020. In that time frame, Simmons made 2, yes 2, 3-pointers. Some people may even call him the long lost third splash brother. 

His play up until the break up was solid, outside of the 3-point shooting. He averaged 16.4 points, 8 assists, 8.3 rebounds and shot 56 percent. While waiting on the NBA to return from the ‘Rona hiatus, Simmons and Jenner split. She got a new “boy toy” in Devin Booker. 

Once basketball returned, Simmons was clearly not the same. He averaged 11.7 points, 4.3 assists, 7 rebounds and shot 48 percent in the bubble. He also injured his knee and could not finish the season. Was he put on the IR because of his knee or because of his broken heart? Personally, I think his heart is in a million pieces.

Now we’re onto the new bae. The lucky player this time is Devin Booker. He is, by far, the player to benefit the most by being with Jenner. His team in the bubble went 8-0, while he averaged 27 points, 5.8 assists and 4.9 rebounds. Before entering the bubble, Booker was averaging 16 points per game. An 11-point improvement had to come from somewhere, and I believe Kendall is behind all of it. 

I think her coochie has the same magical powers that the Monstars had in “Space Jam.” She takes all her old man’s powers once she’s done with them, and gives those powers to her new boo. Devin Booker better put a ring on it because if Jenner moves on, it could destroy his career.

This is a PSA to all NBA players: do not start dating Kendall Nicole Jenner. It might be fun for a few months, but after the breakup you’ll be devastated, and no longer able to play the game you love. She might be able to support you financially, while you write your memoir, “What I Gave Up For Love.” But at the end of the day, is it worth it if you lose yourself in the process?

ALL LUV 

EZZUS 

Failed fantasy football commish. Boomer truther. Voted 1 out of 2 best young studs at Best Buy, but then I got fired. Marvin Jones beat my ass at the Super Bowl (I have proof). Josh Norman would not beat my ass and I was disappointed. I also had better seats at the Super Bowl than Ben Shapiro. This is my biggest flex. Had a sit down meeting with Kirk Cousins and his camp about his recruitment to the New York Jets. I’m pretty sure he didn’t sign with the team because of me, but I still had a sit down meeting with Kirk Cousins and his camp ( I also have proof of this). I suffer each year watching Jets, Knicks and Mets games. Co-owner, Podcast Co-Host and somewhat of a Journalist. I feel like this bio is just one big flex but most of this stuff is lame,. Except for the Ben Shapiro one, that’s super not lame. ALL LUV EZZUS

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